Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Fifth life


I have been hit with feelings of inadequacy. Each time stronger than the last. I wish someone could calm my nerves and remind me that I am only twenty one. You are only twenty one. It certainly sounds more reassuring coming from the lips of another person. Someone who is not constantly churning self-critiques in his or her mind. Maybe this is what they call a fifth life crisis: an overwhelming realization of incompetence, along the very much dreaded what-have-I-been-doing-all-along and what-do-I-do-next questions. I have never felt like an unaccomplished designer as strongly as I do now, but I suppose this would be the time seeing as I am in the awkward in-between stage of 'counting down the months to oh-so-exciting graduation' and 'BAM–reality'. There is a lot that I have yet to learn. I have always known that, but somehow the phrase a lot has taken on a new meaning in the past two weeks and now encapsulates every single discipline imaginable. Every theory studied or written. And, let's not forget, every single thing that I suck at.

My brain hurts. I need a good sleep, a good meal, and a good day off.